Why the Peacekeeper Wars "synopsis" is wrong

So here's the text of the synopsis again:

"When a full-scale war is engaged by the evil Scarran Empire, the Peacekeeper Alliance has but one hope: reassemble human astronaut John Crichton, once sucked into the Peacekeeper galaxy through a wormhole. Crichton's task: Get the entire Peacekeeper race to safety before the last war of an era brings and end to the universe."

Let's go over just how wrong this is, shall we?

"When a full-scale war is engaged by the evil Scarran Empire"
OK. To start off, the war was technically started by Scorpius (a Peacekeeper). Granted, it was a preemptive strike in an inevitable war, but still. Also, "evil Scarran Empire?" They're not exactly fuzzy, but "evil?" whatever.

"the Peacekeeper Alliance has but one hope: reassemble human astronaut John Crichton"
Yeah. The "Peacekeeper Alliance?" It's obviously meant to evoke Evil Empire vs. Rebel Alliance, which is lame. The Peacekeepers are usually just as bad as the Scarrans. Moving on, their "one hope" is to reassemble John? OK, I'll grant that John is the one hope of ending the conflict, but they don't reassemble him, nor do they know that he needs reassembling, or where he is.

"once sucked into the Peacekeeper galaxy through a wormhole"
Dude. He never left the Milky Way. Granted, he initially had no idea where he was at first, but he's known that he's in the same galaxy since the end of season 3, and in case we'd forgotten that the Eidelons confirm that fact in the miniseries. Also, what makes it the Peacekeeper galaxy?

"Crichton's task: Get the entire Peacekeeper race to safety"
*Weeps* I suppose it's too confusing to mention four species in this summary? Scarrans, Peacekeepers (not that that's a species), humans, and Eidelons. Eidelons are not Peacekeepers. At most Eidelons could be called Peacemakers. Eidelons created Peacekeepers. Peacekeepers used to work for Eidelons. Not the same people. Again with the making Peacekeeprs sound like the goodguys. Also, John never is charged with getting "the entire [Eidelon] race to safety." Jothee does some mass transport, but not John. At most Moya only ever has something like 20 Eidelons on board.

Here's an Eidelon:
And here's a Sebatian (former) Peacekeeper:
I think Aeryn would want to shoot the authors of the summary for confusing the two species.
"Only an idiot [confuses Sebatians and Eidalons]. Shame on you[, authors]!"

"the last war of an era"
I have no issue with "the last war of an era." That's maybe the only accurate part of this summary, as its a paraphrase from the movie. They might have gotten it from watching oh, the first seven minutes of the film? I'm not very impressed.

"brings and end to the universe"
Now this I must take issue with. First of all, the war might have destroyed the galaxy, but certainly not the entire universe. Second, it's not really the war that would destroy the galaxy, but John's wormhole weapon, which he builds and he fires. He threatens to let it destroy the galaxy if the Scarrans and Peacekeepers agree to stop fighting.

Final tally: The-authors-of-this-summary-are-morons: 8. They-were-paying-some-attention: 1. Wow. I guess they were morons.

Farscape: Favorite episodes

So we finally finished watching Farscape. We had to take a couple of days off because Alec went to Ashland with his AP Lit class. Also, we didn't watch the whole series; we skipped "DNA Mad Scientist," "Vitas Mortis," "Taking the Stone" and "The Choice," because those ones are annoying/depressing. Also, I was cooking or something during "They've Got a Secret" and "Dream a Little Dream." I might go back and re-watch those six now, just because I don't like them to feel left out. And there are at least a couple of good scenes in each of them.
As I said in my previous post, my favorite episodes are still the weirdest, for the most part, while conventional episodes such as "I, E.T." are boring. My favorites in season 1 are:

"Thank God it's Friday... Again," in which John pretends to be stoned (not for the last time) and Aeryn and Pilot work together first time, as Aeryn taps into a heretofore unknown scientific ability. And hey--Rygel's bodily fluids become explosive!

"That Old Black Magic," in which John and Crais face off in Maldis's maze-like castle. This is the first time we see more of Bialar's character. It also sets the precedent for only badguys getting John's cultural references.
"Till the Blood Runs Clear," in which John must pretend to be a big bad bounty hunter in order to keep two actual bounty hunters from torturing D'Argo--too much. Its the first time that John demonstrates his ability to pretend to be a tough guy, rather than just stoned.

"The Flax," in which John and Aeryn are trapped in a transport pod which has been caught in the Flax, a trap set by space pirates. OK, so the real reason that I like this episode is that it includes John and Aeryn's first kiss, which is amusingly interrupted by D'Argo finally coming to rescue them.

"Through the Looking Glass," which is the first mostly funny episode, in which Moya is split into four "dimensions," each with its own... quirks. The Moyans wander around between the split off Moyas, trying to fix the problem while not being distracted by the earsplitting noise found in one and nausea-inducing light found in another. The most amusing split off is the one that has the same effect as laughing gas. Rygel in particular has fun in that one.

"Nerve" and "The Hidden Memory," in which Scorpius, Stark, and Talyn are introduced (or born, in Talyn's case), as well as the Aurora Chair. Aside from that, they're also great episodes.

"Family Ties," in which Crais seeks asylum on Moya and steals Talyn, and Scorpius takes over his his command carrier. This is also the first episode during which John and D'Argo are clearly shown to be friends, rather than people that have been forced to live together, as they were before.

So what if that's 8/22 episodes in the season? My favorites in season 2 are:

"Crackers Don't Matter," in which everyone goes insane, and starts obsessing over crackers. It's also Harvey's first appearance (yay!). And is generally hilarious, and is one of my top five favorite episodes, if not my very favorite.
"Picture if You Will," in which Maldis comes back for revenge, and traps the Moyans in a maze-like picture. He likes mazes. Possibly the main reason that I like this episode is that it is the first episode of the show that I ever saw. I was confused, and didn't really like it. Silly me.

"Out of their Minds," which is the body swap episode. I'm convinced it was made just to give the opportunity for the scene in which Anthony Simcoe (Chianna in D'Argo's body) tries to... persuade... Ben Browder (Rygel in John's body) to leave with... her. Everyone else is funny, as well (except Zhaan, who is conveniently off ship at the time because she's not funny enough to pull off a body swap).

"Won't Get Fooled Again," in which John is lead to believe that he never left earth. Things take a turn for the weird, however, when the other Moyans show up, and refuse to acknowledge that they aren't humans. It gets weirder--and funnier--from there. This is the episode in which John names Harvey. One of my favorite scenes is the one in which Crais shows up--as a police officer--to give John a ticket for attempted murder and assault on a police officer, all the while holding a very patient doggy. "Come Toto."

"A Clockwork Nebari," in which Nebari (Chianna's species) come aboard and forcibly give a treatment to the Moyans which is supposed to eliminate undesirable tendencies such as violence. They don't give it to Pilot and Chianna, because it wouldn't work on them, and Rygel and John are immune (Rygel because of his fast metabolism and John thanks to Harvey). This gives another great opportunity for John--and Rygel--to act stoned, and for both of them to say "bitchen," which is hilarious.

"Liars, Guns, and Money" ("A Not So Simple Plan," "With Friends Like These," and "Plan B"), a trilogy in which the Moyans rob a bank, among other things. As I mentioned in my last post, it is what passes for a clip show in this series, because they draw on the help of several people that they have met since the beginning of the series. It is also a totally bitchen set of episodes.

Hmm. 8/22 episodes again. Well, it's a good show. My favorites from season 3 are:

"Green-Eyed Monster," which is kinda annoying in general, but it also shows that Stark and Rygel make a great team. And when I say "great" here I mean "hilarious."

"Incubator," in which Scorpius reveals details of his past. Awww... he smiles when he thinks of his mummy...!

"Scratch 'n Sniff," in which everyone drinks a lot, dances, and acts silly, while John and D'Argo bicker constantly. Also, this episode has the only instance in which D'Argo meets Harvey (other than the times in which he takes over John's body and tries to kill people, of course, but that's no fun).

"Revenging Angel," in which John is knocked on the head and left comatose. He copes by imagining his world as a Saturday morning cartoon, while Harvey "helps."

"I-Yensch, You-Yensch," in which we see the most unlucky criminals ever. They try to rob the restaurant in which D'Argo and Rygel are negotiating with Scorpius and Braca. Poor schmucks. Also, poor long-suffering Braca. Scorpy and Rygel make a great team, though.

"Into the Lion's Den" ("Lambs to the Slaughter" and "Wolf in Sheep's Clothing"), an epic two-parter. John and Scorpy, together at last! And... sniff... Talyn and Crais... whah. I can't say. But they're heroic. It was confusing to me the first time I saw it at 1:00 Monday morning, but then, I didn't know the show very well, and even then I could tell it was epic.

Ooh... only 7/22 episodes made it to this list in season 3. Whatever that means. Finally, here are my favorites from season 4:

"Crichton Kicks," in which John hangs out in an old Leviathan, and DRD 1812 and Sukozu are introduced. As a bonus, John pretends to be a goat. No, you did not misread that.

"John Quixote," in which John and Chianna become trapped in a crazy virtual reality game.

"I Shrink Therefore I am," in which everyone but John is shrunk to miniature size. There is a particularly memorable scene in which Sukozu points out the scientific impossibility of their situation, and Rygel basically says, just go with it.

"Coup by Clam," in which the Moyans eat mollusks which, when shared, cause the sharers to share physical sensations. Hilarity ensues.

"Kansas," in which John and the others finally get to earth via a wormhole, only to find that the year is 1986. Their very presence has caused problems in time, so they must fix things in John's family... before he erases himself from the timeline and literally disappears ("I know, Back to the Future!").

"Terra Firma," in which they Moyans spend a couple of months on Earth. It is a rather talky episode, but it's good talking.

"Twice Shy," in which everyone's main characteristic becomes intensified, and then is stripped from them. John and Aeryn finally get over their angst.

"We're So Screwed" ("Fetal Attraction," "Hot to Katratzi," and "La Bomba"), in which the Moyans rescue Aeryn from Scarrans and lose Scorpius. Next they gatecrash a conference between Grayza and the Scarrans in order to rescue Scorpy, while John straps a nuclear bomb to himself to ensure their safe passage. It's all very cool.
Ooh... 10/22 for this season. I guess it's my favorite of the four. I almost added a couple of others, too.

So there you have it. My favorite episodes from the series. It's a good thing that there were only four seasons, for the purposes of this list if nothing else. I didn't include Peacekeeper Wars on this list because I figure it goes without saying. Oy. Get a load of the synopsis on the back of the dvd box:

"When a full-scale war is engaged by the evil Scarran Empire, the Peacekeeper Alliance has but one hope: reassemble human astronaut John Crichton, once sucked into the Peacekeeper galaxy through a wormhole. Crichton's task: Get the entire Peacekeeper race to safety before the last war of an era brings and end to the universe."

I'm not sure if I want to laugh or cry. Soooo wrong on so many levels. Don't you love it when people write synopsies for things about which they clearly know nothing? Maybe they thought an accurate discription would be too confusing.

I now feel compelled to make a list of my top five six favorites, in the order that they aired:

"Crackers Don't Matter"
"Won't Get Fooled Again"
"Liars, Guns, and Money Part II: With Friends Like These"
"Into the Lion's Den Part II: Wolf in Sheep's Clothing"
"John Quixote"
"Kansas"


There. I did make one reference to Doctor Who, anyway. And it only took me from 5:50 to 11:23 to write this. In my defense, I was watching stuff and eating dinner for much of that time.

Star Trek review III, etc

I went to see the movie again this evening. My father isn't really the commenting-constantly-on-the-movie type, so I kinda missed that, but it was still fun. I of course noticed several things that I missed in the last viewing. For instance, I saw the tribble! Yay! Also, Admiral Archer (once Captain) was mentioned! Yay!Oh rats. I forgot to keep an eye out for the number 47. Oh well. Next time. I think I'll have to listen to the soundtrack a bunch more times between now and then. That might be difficult, though, since Alec and I've been watching Farscape all day most of the week. We're several episodes into season 3. We've been keeping an eye out for recruitment episodes, so he can indoctrinate his friends into the Cult of Farscape. He's already managed to get most of them hooked on Firefly, but that's fairly easy. Enjoying Farscape requires a healthy appreciation for the weird. Most of my favorite episodes are also some of the most insane, so they don't make very good material for easing people into the show's awesome weirdness.

The best bet so far is the "Liars, Guns and Money" trilogy. Since it's a trilogy it might be a bit long, but it's also one of the awesomest stories in the series. It also happens to be what passes for a clip show in this series. That's a bonus in this case, because it's only a clip show in the sense that it combines things from the previous seasons and makes them into a bank heist. Explosions! Trickery! Disguises! Long-lost relatives! Mind control! Scorpius!

Ooh! While looking for a picture, I stumbled upon this (again): A complete list of characters in Farscape, including hallucinations and disguises!
http://www.karlsweb.com/KarlswebEnscapelopedia/AE_A-C.htm
I'm putting it here for future reference. Here's a scene from "Liars, Guns and Money Part I: A Not So Simple Plan" (the first episode):



Incidentally, for that last line John is quoting Scorpius, almost verbatim.


Yeah, so this isn't really another review of Star Trek. What can I say? That's what happens when I leave a post in draft form for half a week without finishing it. The post may say that I put it up on May 14, but it's actually the 18th.

Star Trek review II

To start off, I'd just like to get something out of the way: Spock is awesome. I'm sure everyone already knows that, but it's important to reiterate often.

In the film, Kirk amusingly spends about a third of his time chasing after women, which fits with his character in TOS. Even when he's about to pass out he takes the time to say "hii, how are ya?" to a passing nurse. He was pretty funny in general, actually. And I've got two words for you: Kobayashi Maru. Spock and Kirk's interactions are, as always, sweet and adorable (even when they don't yet realize that they're meant for each other).
Karl Urban's impression of McCoy is eerie at times, and Simon Pegg as Scotty is spot-on, particularly when he says, unironically, "I'm givin it all I've got, Captain!" Anton Yelchin is adorable: at one point he is asked how old he is, and he brightly replies, "17, sir!" Zoe Saldana as Uhura was... different from her original character. But it worked... I think. I haven't decided yet. John Cho as Sulu was fairly undeveloped, although he did have a couple funny bits. It's not like he had a whole lot to work with. Eric Bana as the badguy, Nero, is completely insane, and not in a fun Master way. Well, kinda like that. But... Nero does some pretty unforgivable things.

The film was awesome enough that after it was over, Alec said "I still think Picard is better." Note that he said that he still thinks Picard is better (btw, I agree, although in a tossup between Picard and Spock I think I have to rule in favor of Spock in terms of sheer awesomeness). Alec didn't even have a complaint about the time travel (which he usually does), although he did take issue with the means of traveling thorough time. It was that awesome.

This time, of course, I was mostly paying attention to the plot. Next time I see it I'm going to watch the details. I did catch a few of them, of course--or Alec did. For instance, there's a scene in which a gung-ho guy is wearing a red shirt--you can guess how well that goes. But apparently there's a tribble on Scotty's desk when we first see him, and I forgot to check for it. Silly me. I say "next time" because it is of course a foregone conclusion. If it were just Alec and me, and if he did not have homework, I might have insisted that we stay for the 9:00 showing. Maybe I'll be able to convince him to go with me tomorrow after he gets out of school. Oh whoops. I have to write my essays then. Rats. Stupid professors who give me extensions.

That last picture didn't have Spock in it (although in the shot they are looking at him), so here's one of little Spock:
Awww... he's so widdle!

Star Trek review

Awesome.



Thank you for reading my review of Star Trek. I hope you enjoyed it.

Altered states

Between 6:30 am on Wednesday and 11:00 pm on Thursday I slept for approximately 2 hours. It was exciting. A whole hour of that was on Thursday afternoon. The rest of it I took in less-than-20-minute-long naps. At around 5:00 on Thursday morning I went to the Library. It was a very beautiful and strange time. The sky was a mysterious dark blue, just beginning to lighten on the horizon. All the lights of night-time were still on, and down the hill I could see the orange lights of the city still shining brightly. The birds were shouting out their good mornings. I could hear a riot of robins and the slightly quieter song sparrows. I also heard a loud bird that I didn't know. It sounded like the chitter of a Steller's jay, but it was higher and brighter, less harsh.

When I got to the library there were a few people who had clearly been there most of the night. I took comfort in the fact that one of them was there writing the same Chinese Film essay as I. I wandered around the library looking for sources for my essay, with moderate success. By the time I got out, the sun had already risen (though I couldn't see it yet), at 5:50. I was sorry I had missed most of the good part of predawn. It had reached that time of morning that is gray and cold. However, a while after I got back to my room the sun broke through the trees with bright sunbeams. It hit the rhododendrons outside my window, and almost made the sleep deprivation worth it. At least I have that incentive to start getting up before dawn, just to see it. I'm aways from that yet, though.I more or less finished my essay as well. I hope that what I learn from this experience is that it's really really stupid to procrastinate that way, and not that I can write my essay with an all-nighter. I'm afraid that it might be the latter. Argh.

Anyway, I'm home now, and sitting on Lola's chair in my mother's living room. Alec is on the couch, playing WoW, and the dogs are outside on the deck. I can hear a lawnmower somewhere in the neighborhood, the sound of summer. We are going to go see Star Trek this evening. Life is good.

Oh dear. I've gone a whole post without making a reference to Doctor Who. How can I remedy this? Here:

"And so it came to pass that the human race fell, and the Earth was no more. And I looked down upon my new dominion. As Master of all. And I thought it... good."
--Master No. Six

Meh. It's vaguely related. It'll do.

Update: It Goes Ding now shows up on a google search! Yay!

Procrastination: Tuesday Edition

I keep coming to this page, as if I'm expecting a new post to have appeared when I wasn't looking. Maybe I'm just admiring the pretty layout.

This morning I decided that a picture of the new Enterprise was too distracting for a wallpaper, so what did I do? I made a different one. That of course took at least 10 minutes. It's a black background with "DO WORK" repeated in different colors all over the screen. I also put all of my distracting links and their files into a single tab on my bookmarks menu, also labeled "DO WORK." It was slightly successful--well, not really, but at least I felt a twinge of guilt as I clicked on the link to It Goes Ding. That counts for something, right?

This morning I also took the time to change some of my icons to Doctor Who ones that I found online. I changed My Computer to a better TARDIS, my Recycle Bin to a Dalek (they're vaguely bin-shaped, right?) My Video to Jamie's gas mask (because it has eyes) My Music to the sonic screwdriver (because it makes noise) and My Pictures to K-9 (um... because he has flat surfaces?).

You can see the pretty icons here:
http://www.veryicon.com/icons/movie--tv/doctor-who/

Changing the icons of course meant that I had to go look up how to change them, since there is no easy way to do it for most of those. The job entailed going into Control Panel, changing the setting to show hidden files, opening a text box in notepad, finding the location of the icon on my computer... agh, it was complicated, leave it at that. Then of course I decided that the Seal of Rassilon that I had for My Documents wasn't good enough, so I had to remake it. So I had to look up directions on how to make an icon, and that took forever as well. "But worth it" ...I guess.

Yes, I'm that good.

Hm. I think this post needs a random picture. I guess my new Rassilon icon will have to do.
Ain't it purdy? This isn't the icon, obviously; blogger doesn't like .ico format, apparently. In case you didn't know, .ico files have several layers attached to them (so it can appear at different sizes depending on the context). This was the largest size. Also, in icon format the image doesn't have that white background.

Oh yeah. I had my French final exam today. It was swell (or swill? no, it wasn't that bad).

Sunday evening

I don't know what I'm doing. I think this graph demonstrates my current situation rather nicely:

But look! Star Trek clips!

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/dor/objects/692255/star_trek_11/videos/star_trek_1_042709.html

Ooooh... lookie, I know how to embed video! (it was really hard to figure out)


*Considers coming down with a debilitating illness so that she can have an extension*

Wibbly-wobbly

"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly... timey-wimey... stuff."
--Tenth Doctor, "Blink"

I think that's where my time has gone.

Or maybe It's gone from me finding that picture. Why am I avoiding watching Once Upon a Time in China II? Just because it's homework. Why do I want to avoid doing work? I'm only making life difficult for myself.

I can use this opportunity to brainstorm about my essay topic, though. I've finally reached the point where it's easier to type than it is to write by hand. I remember being impressed when I learned that that was how Mommy wrote fastest. Anyway. Stalling.

I'm writing about Shaolin Temple, Once Upon a Time in China II, and Hero. Each has a slightly different take on what makes the best hero. Chieh Yuan is hot-headed and not very self-disciplined. He goes off on his own to take revenge, and nearly gets everyone killed. This is clearly not what constitutes a good hero. In the end he gives up the girl--now that's different!--in order to dedicate himself fully to the temple and its defence.

In Once Upon a Time in China, Wong Fei-Hung still has a sense of humor, though it is not quite as ridiculous as Chieh Yuan. He is always dedicated to doing what is right, helping others with his medicine and defending the weak with his martial arts. Here the emphasis is not on working with the group--he frequently goes off to fight alone--but on modernizing China while maintaining its identity. Fei-Hung is disgusted by the White Lotus sect, who want to kill all the foreigners. He has forbidden love as well, but for a different reason. He is related to Aunt 13 by family vows, if not by blood.

Nameless appears cold and calculating at first, stoically doing his duty. However, he is actually twisted by his anger and desire for revenge. In the end he does sacrifice himself for the unification of China, but only at the last second. The true hero of the story is Broken Sword, who recognizes Qing's desire to unify the land for peace when no one else does. The message here is even more didactic than the previous stories. Unity good. Division bad. No killing. Sacrifice yourself for the whole. It also seems that everyone in China likes to wear long robes with big billowy sleeves and has really long, gorgeous black hair.

OK... that's a nice start, but I have no idea how I'm going to stretch that into ten pages.
Argh. You said it, Mrs. Silvestry.

Update to first entry

Yeah. I just spent two hours writing that last entry, deciding which layout to use, and making my oh-so-pretty title picture. Procrastination is an art.

The Doctor can't believe how much time I spend procrastinating either.

That is all.

I have no reason to create a blog

"You two, we're at the end of the universe. Okay?! Right at the edge of knowledge itself! And you're busy... blogging!!"
--Tenth Doctor, "Utopia"

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. I've pretty much been against blogging since I first heard about it. Who wants to read about someone else's day? I mean, really? I guess these things can function as a diary, but then why post them online? I might use this as a way of telling everyone about my exciting day when I'm in Senegal next spring, but then I might not have time to maintain it. I might tell everyone anything I want them to know via other means. It seems to me that writing my experiences could be a good idea, but then I might not want other people to know what I'm writing in my diary. We'll see. Or maybe this will merely be a place for me to rave about Doctor Who, so I can leave my friends in peace. Or maybe I'll just forget about this thing and never use it again. Really I'm just creating this now so I can avoid studying for my finals, which isn't very healthy.

Oh. I could explain the title of my blog (ew... "my blog") to my hypothetical readers (I shudder to think that I would ever forget)

"This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff. Also, it can boil an egg at thirty paces. Whether you want to or not, actually. So, I've learned to stay away from hens. It's not pretty when they blow."

--Tenth Doctor, "Blink"

Yes. Tenth Doctor is awesome, and likes to explain things at top speed to make innocent bystanders even more confused. The explanation doesn't help Billy Shipton to know what has happened to him, nor should it. As Martha says, "Trust me, just nod when he stops for breath." As a motivational poster that image doesn't make much sense, but then I suppose the best ones are that way. Timey-Wimey Detector isn't really an abstract noun, like other motivational posters, but it "sortof works." Still, unlike the "Monologuing" poster I found it's "not even a proper word. You're just saying things," Squiggy! Yeah. What was I saying about boring blogs?

By the way, that was one of the titles that I considered for this thing, "You're Just Saying Things." "Big Yellow Truck" was my first choice, but it was already taken, as was "I Create Myself" and "Bananas Are Good." I also considered "Who'd Have Sonic?" "The Turn of the Universe," and "Storm In His Wake." Those three were available, but--excepting the first--they're all rather melodramatic.

This has been my first foray into blogging. I will no doubt start a revolution in bloggyness, and will "change what it means to [blog]." As you may have noticed, I think I will be using this as a place to make as many Doctor Who references as possible, just so I can get them out of my system. I don't think I'll give many explanations, either.

Wow. I didn't realize how much I had written here until I did the preview. Way to waste half an hour! Over and out.